


Please Remember Me

by SerStolas



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, ME3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8159264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerStolas/pseuds/SerStolas
Summary: A year after the Reaper War, they finally find Lila Shepard.  But she can't remember who she is.  Can Kaidan and her friends help her remember?A little angst, but more fluff than angst.  Rating upped to due to content in later chapters.





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

Janie shifted to avoid a piece of sharp metal as she worked with the salvage team on the remains of an Alliance ship. They needed anything useful they could salvage, whether it be from downed ships to destroyed buildings, and since she didn't exactly have a career to return to, at least no career that she could remember, Janie had volunteered for the job once Dr. Roth had declared her fit.

“Careful Doe,” Sheriff Ivan Petrov's voice sounded from her left. 

She avoided the unstable piece of plasteel he'd pointed out, ducking around it. “Thanks Sheriff,” she replied.

She knew Doe wasn't her real last name, it didn't feel right, but because she couldn't remember what her last name was, let alone her full name, so she used it. Janie Doe, as she was now known, had lain in a coma for almost three months before waking up with little memory of her past.  The doctors still weren’t entirely sure how she’d survived, or managed to heal, other than knowing she had some kind of implants, but the available medical facilities were stretched thin and little things like DNA testing weren’t really available unless you could manage to contact the Alliance Base almost 160 kilometers away.  After some minor therapy she’d been turned lose in a community that didn’t have a lot to spare at the time.  With no real memory of her past, she’d stayed and helped out with the reconstruction. 

At least, she reflected, she had something to do, a place to stay, and food. She could have done worse as an amnesia victim. A lot of things around here were procured through barter and trade. Janie traded her working as a salvager for food and other necessities, and occasionally a luxury like whiskey. Dr. Roth seemed content to share her house with Janie. Janie suspected it was due to the fact that Roth had lost her family to the Reapers, and having someone live with her helped fill that hole a little bit. 

She shook her head, bringing her thoughts back to the present, as she shifted a large piece of plasteel. She stared at what she saw below and flipped the plasteel away completed.

“Sheriff, found a body!” 

She was already kneeling by the remains of the Alliance Marine when Sheriff Petrov waded over. After a few moments she pulled free a set of tags. “Looks like we can identify this one,” she said, handing the dog tags to the Sheriff.

“Lt. Leslie Henderson, Alliance Marine,” Petrov read off the tags. “Glad we could identify this one, both by armor and tags. So many have been missing that.”

“Like me?” Janie asked quietly.

Petrov frowned and regarded her. He nodded. “Like you.” He offered her a hand up. “Come on, lets go report this. This one should actually draw a response from that Alliance Base.”

“Think so?” Janie asked as she accepted the hand up. She dusted off her black tactical pants. 

“One they can identify, oh yeah,” the Sheriff replied. He rounded up some of the salvagers to pull the body out of the debris field. No telling how long it might take the military to get out here, and they wanted the body safe.

Within an hour they had the body carefully wrapped in available blankets and placed carefully in the back of one of the older transports they used for salvage. 

Janie leaned over the handlebars of her hoverbike, preferring that mode of transport since it didn't take as much energy to charge. They'd found some military rations and a few other things in the downed ship that might prove useful to the town, and they'd recovered a soldier's remains. They'd had worse days.

~~

“They'll be here tomorrow,” Petrov announced as he entered the morgue. 

Janie glanced up from where she was covering the body with a spare sheet. “That was quick,” she said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, well they have a real reason to come out all this way,” Dr. Terrance Conner, sometimes fellow salvager and sometimes town Coroner replied as he helped her pull up the other side of the sheet. Terrance as the doctor that the Sheriff usually insisted accompany salvagers in case there were any injuries. “This Lieutenant has been dead a year at least, I'd estimate around the end of the Reaper War.” 

“At least he'll be able to go home,” Janie said sadly. “Even if it is in a body bag. Someone will get closure.”

Conner looked at her thoughtfully. “Maybe you can go back to the base with the body?” he suggested.

Janie blinked at him.

“Maybe,” Petrov added curiously. “We all think you might have been in the military...if anyone can run tests on your identity, surely the Alliance can.”

“I don't even know who I am, why would they care?” Janie replied.

“Because you might be former Alliance,” Conner replied. “It can't hurt to ask.”

“I suppose,” Janie replied dubiously.

“Its not that we don't want you here, Doe,” Petrov replied. “You've been an asset over the past six plus months, but if there's someone out there looking for you...”

“Can't hurt to ask,” Conner reiterated.

~~

She waited with Dr. Conner and Sheriff Petrov outside the next day as the Alliance transport rumbled into view. It didn't look nearly as beat up as the vehicles they used around town, but she knew the military had access to more resources than they did. As the transport came to a halt outside the Sheriff's office, four marines and an individual she guessed was a doctor filed out.

“Sheriff Petrov?” the doctor, a oman with short red hair asked, approaching them.

“Here,” Petrov replied as he pushed off the building where he'd been leaning. “Dr. Michels, I presume? If you'll follow us, the Lieutenant's body is in the morgue.”

As Petrov and Conner lead Dr. Michels inside, the marines followed after them. One of the last marines froze as he passed Janie.

Janie glanced up at the brawny, dark haired man in fatigues as he stared at her, wide eyed and pale faced. 

“Lola? Commander Shepard-Alenko?” his voice was almost choked as he asked.

“Who?” Janie asked, confused. “You look like you've seen a ghost, soldier.”

“I have,” he replied, then raised his voice. “Dr. Michels, get out here, it's the Commander!”

“What's wrong Vega?” Dr. Michels came racing out of the building, and stopped short when she saw Janie.

“Oh my god! Commander Shepard?” Dr. Michel's jaw hung open.

Janie frowned. “I'm sorry, Doctor, but I don't remember my name.”

Dr. Michels and now the other marines stared at her in something akin to awe and shock.

“We found Janie in the remains of a crashed Alliance ship about a year ago,” Conner said from the doorway. “Unfortunately, she has a bad case of amnesia.”

“You have no idea how important this is,” Dr. Michels said as she glanced at him. She approached Janie, her expression still showed some awe. “Commander, Er, Janie, would you be willing to come back to the base for us to run some tests?”

Janie glanced once at Petrov and Conner and rubbed the back of her neck. She sighed. “I guess not.”


	2. Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Test results are in and Janie's been told who she is supposed to be, but what does that really mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

She sat on the edge of the bed in the room they’d given her, hands curled on around the edge of the bed. It was 00:27 hours and she should probably be sleeping, but her mind raced with the overload of information she’d gotten today.

Everything felt so damned awkward. From the moment she’d stepped off the Alliance transport, she’d been whisked away by Dr. Michels for a battery of tests while the marines saw to poor Lt. Henderson’s remains. Blood tests, DNA tests, finger print tests: you name it, they’d done it. According to Dr. Michel’s, every test came to the same conclusion. Janie Doe was Commander Lila J. Shepard-Alenko of the Normandy SR2.

Janie was still reeling from that confirmation. She knew in general terms who Commander Shepard was; pretty much everyone with a access to any kind of news did. Commander Shepard had saved the galaxy from the Reapers, and had been reported as KIA for the past year. For a woman who couldn’t remember her own name, let alone her past, being told you were The Commander Shepard was a little overwhelming.

Dr. Michels, every member of the medical staff involved with running the tests, and the four marines she’d met this morning…well, yesterday morning now, had been overjoyed at the news.

And Janie could only stare at them blankly, still unable to recall what had happened to her before she’d been pulled from the downed Alliance ship over a year ago. 

Captain James Vega was overjoyed, but perhaps as overwhelmed as she was, but for an entirely different reason. Evidently, she’d been his commanding officer on the Normandy. Once the test results had come back, he’d stuck around like glue, and Dr. Michel’s seemed pleased to have him do so, believing that being around someone that Janie had once known might help jog her memory.

Janie groaned and rubbed her temples at an oncoming migraine. Tomorrow promised to be even worse, with extensive meetings with more doctors, shrinks, and who knew how many Alliance officers who wanted to debrief her.

The only consolation she had right now was she had been able to connect with Petrov, Conners, and Roth back in Springfield to let them know what was going on. The three people she was currently most familiar with seemed relieved that her true identity had been found out, and Petrov promised to send someone along with Roth in a couple of days with the few belongings that Janie had left at the house, since the four of them knew the Alliance military wasn’t going to let Janie out of their clutches any time soon.

Janie frowned suddenly, considering everything that had brought this on. She shoved her feet into her boots and opened the door, eyeing the marine guard on duty. “What happened to Lt. Henderson’s body?” she asked.

The marine blinked at her. “Commander?”

“Lt. Leslie Henderson. I located his body yesterday at a crash site and accompanied his body here yesterday morning. Where did they take his remains? Have any members of his remaining kin been notified?”

It was probably stupid to be asking about, but Henderson’s remains were the entire reason she was here to begin with, and she wanted to make sure he ended up where he was supposed to be.

The marine, another Lieutenant, stared at her for a moment before he pulled up his omnitool and typed in a few commands. Finally, he looked up. “They found his sister, Commander, she’s been notified that his remains have been recovered.” He lifted his brows. “If I may ask…”

He hesitated, as if afraid to ask a question of a superior officer.

“Why do I care?” Janie supplied. Her shoulders slumped. “Because, Lieutenant, all of this has thrown me for a loop. I’ve got amnesia, I don’t really remember much of who I am. But I can remember recovering Henderson’s body yesterday…I want to make sure at least one thing went right.”

“If you’ll forgive me for saying this, ma’am, you’re Commander Shepard-Alenko, you’ve managed to make a lot more go right than making sure a soldier’s remains went where they needed to.”

“Yes, solider, but I don’t remember everything else I’ve done. This I do.” She offered in a weak smile. “Thank you, Lieutenant. Sorry to disturb you.”

“No worries, Ma’am. I think you could probably disturb anyone on the base and they wouldn’t mind.”

“But I would,” Janie replied. She stepped back into the room and stared around once more at the white walls.

She laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Shepard-Alenko…there was another mystery. She assumed that the hyphenated last name in the official records meant she was married, or had been, since the Alenko portion was different from the news reports about Commander Shepard, Hero of the Galaxy. Who was Alenko though? Maybe the Major she remembered, if only vaguely?

First thing after official waking hours, 06:00 hours if she recalled the doctor saying, she’d ask for Captain Vega. He seemed to have a decent idea of who she was, and he’d been the first person to recognize who she evidently was. Since she wasn’t currently being allowed to access extranet files or send anything out, beyond that one radio call to Springfield, she’d have to talk to someone who was familiar with the life of Commander Shepard-Alenko, because she wasn’t familiar with it at all right now.

Hopefully this Vega might help her unlock some memories. She wanted to know who she was, but she was a bit afraid too…just within the past few months had she become comfortable with being Janie, and now she was evidently someone


	3. Good News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hackett, Anderson, and the crew of the Normandy get some good news, but things are complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

Admiral Hackett watched his screen go dark and fell back into his chair, considering the implications of what Dr. Michels had just told him.

Commander Shepard was alive. Not just alive, but walking around and conscious. There was the complication of amnesia, but hopefully that could be overcome with enough exposure to things that were familiar to her, people and places.

There were going to be a lot of people who were going to want to talk to the Commander, but given her current condition, it probably wasn't the best idea to have her peppered with questions outside of the necessary medical evaluations. The Council would want to talk to her, and Hackett knew he was going to have his work cut out for him in trying to keep them reined in.

Maybe he should take the offered position of Councilor for the human race just to try and keep things under wraps. He shook his head at the thought, knowing he was too old for that shit.

No, he would just push Anderson to accept it instead, and not just on his current Pro-temp status.

Anderson...now there was another survivor that had shocked everyone. From the shaky footage they'd been able to recover, everyone had expected to find Anderson dead. But that man must be made of plasteel. While his recovery had taken months, in fact he wasn't entirely physically recovered even now and would probably walk with a noticeable limp for awhile, he was doing well. The prosthetic limb they'd replaced his left arm with functioned at least, even if it didn't work as well as a cybernetic one would have.

He leaned forward and tapped the display. A few moments later, Pro-Temp Councilor Anderson's image flickered over the screen. 

“Admiral, how can I help you?” Anderson asked. He was currently surrounded by a stack of data pads, and a headache that Hackett didn't envy. 

“Good news, finally,” Hackettt replied. He took a deep breath. “They found Shepard...Shepard-Alenko,” he corrected himself.

“Her remains?” Anderson asked, and Hackettt saw the grief in Anderson's gaze for a moment.

Hackett felt a smile tugging at his lips. “No, Anderson, not her corpse. The Commander is alive.” He held up a hand to forestall Anderson's comment. “But she doesn't remember anything. Bad case of amnesia, which shouldn't surprise us given all she's been through. That woman has more lives than a cat.”

“Prognosis?” Anderson asked intently.

“Dr. Michel's says that the Commander has remembered a few small details. She doesn't like being called Jane, you know how she always disliked her middle name. She vaguely remembers serving in the Alliance, and she remembers a Major.”

“Does she remember she married her Major?” Anderson asked, arching a brow.

Hackett shook his head. “She doesn't remember his name, but Dr. Michel's says she's deduced she must be married by her last name. It's a start. The Doctor thinks expose to the familiar should eventually bring the memories to the surface. It make take awhile, months maybe, but eventually..”

“Then she needs the Normandy,” Anderson said firmly. “You want to call them in?”

Hackett nodded. “I was going to make the call after I talked to you. You may want to visit her too. She's at an Alliance Base in Ontario.”

“I'll see what I can do,” Anderson promised. “Keep me posted on her progress, and I'll let you know if I hear anything.” 

Hackett reflected on how relieved Anderson had looked as he signed off. He couldn't blame the man. He knew Anderson and Shepard-Alenko had always gotten along well. Hell, he felt relived knowing the woman was alive. The Savior of the Galaxy...but also just a woman, and one who needed support right now.

One who needed the Normandy.

His hands hovered over the display's control for a long moment before he typed in the relay that would allow him to connect with the Normandy. It was due to dock at the shell of the Citadel later today, and he knew that her crew would want this latest bit of news.

The Citadel had been badly damaged in the last push and the firing of the Crucible, but somehow they'd managed to make parts of it functional again...enough to give a semi-balance of a headquarters. There was talk of trying to move it again, but they still had yet to get the Mass Relays working again, and until they did, there were still a number of alien species trapped in the Sol system.

He counted the minutes as they ticked by until the display flickered and Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor appeared. He frowned faintly, wondering why Alenko hadn't responded. 

“Comm Specialist,” he greeted her. “Where is Major Alenko?”

“Migraine, I believe Sir,” the Specialist replied softly. “I can check though.”

Hackett nodded. “Get him, and get Dr. Chakwas too. I have news they both need.”

Traynor nodded and vanished for several minutes. As Hackett drummed his fingers on his desk, he watched Dr. Karin Chakwas and finally Major Kaidan Alenko come into view.

“Major, Doctor,” Hackett greeted them.

“Sir,” Kaidan replied, rubbing at his forehead. “How can we help you.”

“Commander Shepard-Alenko has been recovered,” Hackett replied, gauging their reactions. He took a deep breath as he saw the Major's expression start to crack. “I should rephrase that. She's been found, Alenko, alive.”

He watched the shock play over their expressions.

“Lila's alive?” Dr. Chakwas managed at last. Major had been struck speechless in his shock.

Hackett nodded slowly. “They recovered her somewhere at a crashsite in Ohio a year ago. But she has a case of amnesia and her tags were missing.”

“How did they find her?” Dr. Chakwas asked. She reached out with one hand to steady Kaidan as she spoke, catching him before he could fall over.

“Seems she was salvaging with the locals and they found the body of an Alliance Marine. Captain Vega happened to be on the recovery team that went to pick up the body and recognized her. She agreed to return with them to the nearest base. Dr. Michels has run all the necessary tests and confirmed that it is indeed Commander Lila J. Shepard-Alenko.”

“She doesn't remember who she is?” Kaidan finally found his voice.

Hackett shook his head. “No. That's one reason I'm ordering you both planet side as soon as the Normandy gets docked. Dr. Michels says she needs to be exposed to familiar faces, and then places, in order to recover her memories.”

“I..Yes Sir!” Kaidan saluted the Admiral. “We'll report to your office as soon as we can.”

“Good. Hackett out.”

As the screen died in the CIC room on the Normandy. Chakwas and Kaidan stared at each other. 

“Lila...” Kaidan's voice broke as he spoke his wife's name.

“She's alive, Kaidan,” Karin said, putting her hands on his shoulders. “And she's going to need you now more than ever.”

“I swore I couldn't lose her again, Karin,” he barely bit back a sob. 

“I know Kaidan...but you haven't. We'll help her get her memory back, us and the crew.”

Kaidan nodded slowly, a tear sliding down his cheek. After a year thinking his beloved wife was dead...it had been worse than the destruction of the first Normandy. He took a few moments to regain his control and straightened. “I'll order the crew to prepare for docking, and shore leave for everyone while we go to Earth.”

“Many of them will want to come,” Dr. Chakwas pointed out.

“I know, but I don't want to overwhelm her. After she's accepted me...and you, then we'll bring her back to the Normandy.”

Dr. Chakwas nodded in agreement. “That's what I would prescribe, knowing Lila.”

“Then lets go prepare,” Kaidan replied. He turned and headed towards the captain's quarters. And for the first time in a year, his heart felt a little lighter.


	4. Interum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan meets up with Janie's mother and Janie deals with her mixed emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

“Kaidan?”

The Major looked up in surprise to see Admiral Hannah Shepard standing outside the docking bay for him.

“Admiral?” he asked as he stepped onto solid ground. He moved over to one side of the bay with her as the rest of the Normandy crew deboarded. 

“How many times have I told you to call me Hannah when we aren’t dealing with military matters?” Hannah Shepard asked as she eyed her son-in-law.

He managed a weak smile. “Hannah…I take it you’ve heard?”

She nodded a faint hope in her eyes. “Admiral Hackett contacted me, right after he gave you the news, I am guessing. “They found Lila alive?”

“Somewhere in Ohio, evidently,” Kaidan replied tiredly. He felt one part exhausted, one part elated at the prospect of seeing his wife again, and one part worried as Hell. “She’s at a base in Ontario now. Dr. Chakwas and I are headed that way.”

“Good, we can take the same transport down,” Hannah replied. 

Kaidan didn’t question her insistence at going. “I’ve already debriefed the Normandy’s crew. As soon as Chakwas is ready to go, we’ll catch one of the transports down.” He glanced around the docking bay. “I’m glad they haven’t tried to move the Citadel yet, or else it would have been a lot longer trip to get back to Earth…to Lila.”

“They can’t move the Citadel until they get the Mass Relays working again,” Hannah shrugged. She put a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder. “Believe me I know what you are feeling, Kaidan. We’ll have to stay as calm as we can though. If Lila doesn’t remember anything, she’s already a bit overwhelmed.”

“I know.” He took a deep breath. “It all seems surreal right now. After the first Normandy I lost it. I didn’t have that luxury this time. I was starting to settle into a headspace, and now it’s all been gone hard to port again, but this time,” he actually smiled then. “This time, Hannah, there’s hope. It might take awhile for her to remember us, but I’ve been thinking about it over the past few hours. I have a good feeling about all of this.”

~~~

Four days of constant medical and psychological tests, followed by repeated debriefings and interviews were enough to put anyone in a bit of a foul mood. 

At least since the doctors had given her a clean bill of health, Janie was able to access the gym facilities on base without issue. The punching bag in front of her swung from side to side as she brought her leg up in another kick. Janie hated inactivity. Since her physical recovery, she’d spent the past six months either working salvage or helping with rebuilding around Springfield. Since the past several days had required her to submit to medical testing or debriefs, she had a lot of pent up energy, and the bag gave her some kind of outlet. 

“Hey, Lola, you really haven’t changed have you?”

Janie whirled around to find Captain James Vega watching her. Her expression scrunched a moment as she felt a bit of déjà vu at seeing him. The doctors told her that was a good sign; that she knew she’d met him before somewhere, even if she couldn’t remember where. The Captain had been perfectly willing to answer her questions when he’d been available to talk over the past few days. Since he was supposed to be a familiar face, the doctors encouraged it.

“Why do you call me Lola, anyway?” she asked. “I thought my name was supposed to be Lila.” 

“It was a..nickname I gave you on the Normandy,” Vega replied after a moment. He looked at the bag, still swinging side to side. “You look like you’ve feeling antsy. You were like that before, when they had you in the brig.”

“You were my guard, you said, while the Alliance had me locked up?” she frowned as she said it. “For destroy a Relay?”

He nodded. “You destroyed the Relay to slow down the Reapers.”

“So I had a reason for it, I guess?”

“Yeah, but you felt horrible about it, as I’m guessing you’re feeling now.” Vega dropped onto a bench against the wall. 

“The thought that I caused that much destruction, that much death? Yeah, it makes me feel horrible.” Janie replied, sitting on the bench beside him. 

“You had to make a lot of hard calls, Commander, a lot of calls I don’t know if anyone else could have made.” Vega glanced at her. “Just remember, or try to, with anything else that you remember, you saved the whole damn galaxy. No one would be alive and free of the Reapers today if it wasn’t for you."

“Thanks, Captain,” she replied. “Now if I can just remember what I did..”

“Give it time, Commander,” Vega reassured her. “You’ve only just now begun to be exposed to familiar things, and the fact that I’m the only one whose really served with you that’s here right now. Once the Major gets here it’ll all go a lot smoother.”

“The Major?” Janie lifted her chin, perking up a bit. She knew she’d been in love with a Major, she just couldn’t remember his name. Evidently her status as a Council Spectre was what kept them from getting in trouble for fraternization, according to Vega anyway. 

Vega nodded. “Brass told me they’d arranged for him and Dr. Chakwas, who served on the Normandy as our Doctor, to come to the base to see you. I have a feeling the Alliance will turn you over to their care. There’s no reason physically to keep you cooped up in the medical facilities here, and Dr. Chakwas can help coordinate any psychological treatments you may need.”

Janie felt a moment of disorientation. Familiar for her right now still felt like Springfield, and the people she’d been around for the past year. But some part of her acknowledged Vega was right. The doctors kept insisting she could regain her memory, at least some of it, if she were around those she’d been around before whatever had landed her in the wreckage she’d been found in.

She forced herself to use the breathing exercises one of the doctors had taught her when she felt a hint of panic coming on. She’d get through this, she would meet these people, and hopefully she would reclaim her memory, and her life.


	5. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janie is reunited with her mother and her husband. Though she still can't remember them, she hopes her memories will return soon.
> 
> Readers note: Probably a few more chapters in this work. Thank you to everyone reading it! It's interesting what inspiration hits you watching old game vids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

Janie stood in the empty lounge in parade rest position, a position her body, if not her mind, remembered well. They'd warned her this morning members of her family, well Lila Shepard-Alenko's family, would be visiting.

She knew now her name was Lila, but she was still thinking of herself as Janie. A habit of nine plus months was hard to break. 

She seriously hoped the doctors were right, that exposure to the familiar would bring her memories back. She'd worried internally for months about her missing memories, who she might have left behind, but with nothing to trigger the memories, she'd forced herself to focus on the every, to focus merely on survival.

She didn't want to just survive anymore, she wanted to live.

She wore a set of fatigues, since on the Alliance base she basically had the choice between a hospital gown, scrubs, or fatigues, and according to her identity she had as much right to wear them as any solider. It felt...right, like putting on a comfortable pair of boots. Her unconscious mind seemed to remember more than her conscious one did. Still, she would take whatever kind of familiarity she could get right now.

Dr. Lang, her current pyschologist, sat, observing here, in a nearby chair, occasionally making notes on his omni-tool. He was there to moniter her mental health throughout the reintroduction of family members.

“Easy Commander,” he said reassuringly. “And remember the breathing techniques when you feel the panic rise.”

Janie nodded, concentrating on taking deep breaths.

Finally after an eternity, the door swung open and Captain Vega and another marine appeared, three people behind them, one in dress blues and two in fatigues. As Vega and the other marine stepped to one side, Janie examined the faces of the three individuals, trying her best to recognize them.

The one in dress blues looked like an older version of herself. Her mother, maybe? She took an uncertain step forward, then stopped. Her eyes flickered between the three.

One of the two fatigue bedecked individuals was an older woman, probably around the same age as the one in dress blues. The other was a handsome middle aged man. Something in his expression tore at her heart. He gazed at her with thinly disguised hope, and something deeper in his amber colored eyes. He held what looked like some kind of jacket over one arm. 

When Janie didn't say anything, the older woman in dress blues spoke up. “Lila, do you recognize us?”

“You look familiar. I feel like I should know you, but I don't know from where. I'm sorry,” Janie said sadly. “But you, you look a bit like me. Would you be my..mother?”

A pained look crossed the man's face. It was replaced by a look of determination a moment later though.

The woman nodded. “I am. I'm Hannah Shepard.” She held a hand out to Janie.  
Janie accepted the woman's hand. “They tell me I'm Lila.” Awkwardly, she leaned forward, moving to hug the woman.

She caught the tears in Hannah Shepard's eyes as she pulled Janie into an embrace “We were so worried about you, baby. I know you don't really remember us right now, but we'll help you remember.”

“Thank you.” Janie glanced over Hannah's shoulder at the man. His gaze hadn't left her for a second, and she felt her heart flip over as he gazed at her. Something in his eyes told her that before the Reapers, before she'd been lost, that there had been something very deep between them.

She pulled back a bit from Hannah and approached him. She caught the rank on his sleeve.

Major.

“You must be my Major,” she finally said.

“Your Major?” he asked, his voice warm and rough. He looked as if he wanted to pull her into his arms, but he was resisting the urge to do so.

Janie nodded. “My Major. One of the three things I do remember was that I was in love with a Major. I don't think they'd've have brought you in here if you weren't him.” She bit her lip. “If my name is Shepard-Alenko, then you are Alenko?”

“Kaidan Alenko, yes, Lila,” he replied softly. He managed to give her a slight smile. “This is yours,” he said, giving her the jacket he held.

Janie examined the hoodie, running her fingers over the N7 logo on the chest. Experimentally, she put it on. “So we're married, right?” she asked as she did so.

“We are,” Kaidan replied. “We got married a few days before the final push, before you destroyed the Reapers. Anderson performed the ceremony.”

“From what I've heard, it was probably a team effort to destroy the Reapers,” Janie replied. “You do seem familiar at least. It's more than I've had in months, really.”

“Months?” he asked. He hesitated. “How were you found?”

Lila took both his hands and lead him over to a nearby couch in the lounge. Hannah and the other woman followed, sitting in nearby chairs. 

“Dr. Conner and Dr. Roth from Springfield told me I was in a coma for about three months,” Lila began slowly. She still had the Major's hands in her own. Again, something about it felt right, familiar, and she decided to cling to that feeling. “They found me among a lot of debris. My tags were missing and the logos on my armor were too badly damaged for them to tell where I was from.” She shrugged. “I think Dr. Roth was surprised I ever woke up, something about my cybernetics though. She said they healed me. She's never seen anything like it, but they kept me alive. After a few months of physical therapy I still couldn't remember who I was, or who I was supposed to reach out to. So I stayed in Springfield. I worked salvage, until a few days ago when we found Lt. Henderson's body and the Sheriff contacted the Alliance.”

“And then Vega recognized you,” Kaidan said.

She nodded. “All of this,” she gestured to the room around them, indicating the base. “It's..” she felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming on and forced herself to remember the breathing exercises.

Kaidan seemed to be able to read her very well, and he placed an arm around her shoulders. He felt reassuring. She didn't pull away as she calmed herself.

“Thank you,” she said slowly. “I've been trying to deal with panic attacks for the past several months. Particularly when I feel like I should know something, but I don't.” There was a hint of pleading in her voice as she looked at Kaidan, then Hannah, and the other woman.

“We're not going anywhere, Lila,” Kaidan promised. “I love you, even if you can't remember who you are right now. We'll get your memories back, somehow.”

Janie took a long breath and let it out. “Thank you Maj-Kaidan.”

The look on his face when she said his name made it feel like all of this was worth it.

Finally Janie...Lila she reminded herself, looked at the second woman. “Who is this?” she asked.

“Dr. Karin Chakwas,” the woman in fatigues introduced herself. “I served aboard the Normandy with you.”

“You look familiar, but again I can't remember where from, so I'll take your word for it,” Janie replied.  
She glanced at Dr. Lang. “What now?”

“I have some paperwork I need to go over with Dr. Chakwas, but I think it is best to release you to Major Alenko and Admiral Shepard's custody,” Dr. Lang replied after watching her for several minutes. “Dr. Chakwas, why don't you come with me?”

Chakwas gave Lila a searching look and then nodded, rising to follow Dr. Lang. “Alright.”

As the two doctors left, Lila looked back and forth between the two individuals who were her family, her mother and her husband, and she wanted desperately to remember them. “I can do this,” she told herself.

“Yes, you can,” Kaidan agreed, squeezing her shoulder.

“And you won't be doing it alone,” Lila's mother promised.


	6. A Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even weeks after being identified, Lila Shepard-Alenko still struggles to remember anything. With frustration getting to her, a friend offers a suggestion, and a ray of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

They'd spent almost two weeks in quarters on the Alliance base to allow Lila to become familiar with Kaidan and her mother again, and then they were off to the Citadel. Hannah Shepard had to leave them upon arriving at the Citadel, called back to duty. Kaidan and the rest of the Normandy crew technically remained on shore leave for awhile longer, to allow Commander Shepard-Alenko to become familiar with them.

After a week and a half on the Citadel, Kaidan had been called to duty as a Spectre, though thankfully most of that work was confined to the Citadel itself and helping the Council deal with many restless, displaced refugees, and many more who wanted to return to their home planets and rebuild.

So her time alone with Kaidan came to an end, and Lila found herself at odds with what to do. She'd felt restless during those weeks alone with Kaidan and her mother, spending hours in conversation trying to trigger memories, and hours more just going through a day to day routine.

While she still felt a constant deja vu around them, and while she was aware she knew them from somewhere, she still couldn't pull her memories from the abyss of her subconscious mind. 

Lila was glad Kaidan was so patient with her. She wondered if that was one reason she'd fallen in love with him to begin with. He was patient and gentle. But she knew his lack of memory pained him, and she knew that he shared her frustration.

While he met with the council, she hid in the apartment, not wanting to deal with the hordes who wanted to question her. Word that The Commander Shepard had been found alive had gotten out, and any number of people wanted to interview her or talk to her now, many people who might not be understanding of the fact that she couldn't remember a damned thing.

The meetings with the psychologist that the Alliance Military and the Council insisted she meet with couldn't be put off. The psychologist could act as a buffer between her and the Council, for now at least. 

Another week, and then another passed, and finally almost two months since her identity had been confirmed, and she still struggled. Her frustration grew with each question, each prod from a well meaning, and sometimes not so well meaning, person. She started getting headaches, and one night Kaidan had come home to find her almost in tears from the headache and her frustration at lack of progress. Even then he had been patient though, and held her as she cried, soothing away the tears.

“Lila,” he breathed into her hair. “We'll get through this, somehow. You and I have managed to survive bigger things than this.”

“Like me dying?” she whispered into his shoulder. “I suffocated to death, didn't I? I have nightmares sometimes, that I'm in a void, I'm running out of air, and no one hears my screams.”

Kaidan's arms tightened around her. He knew she had nightmares, he'd awoken to find her thrashing on the couch she insisted on sleeping on, lost in bad dreams. She slept in the same room as he did, but she'd said until she could look at him the way she knew he looked at her, she didn't want to lead him on. So they took turns sleeping in the bed and on the couch. It frustrated him on a deep level, and worried him, but he knew from talking to the doctors that he couldn't rush her recovery.

“Like that, and like me being an idiot and turning away when you came back,” he had replied.

Lila glanced at the display on the wall. 13:50 hours. She was supposed to the Asari Liara soon. She'd been introduced to the crew of the Normandy, both old and current, not long after first arriving on the Citadel with Kaidan. As a part of the treatment for her amnesia, the doctors advised she spend time regularly with those she had known before she'd been found in the wreckage. Liara was another that Lila felt a constant deja vu around. 

Perhaps as a kindness to her, so she wouldn't be mobbed by the press while traversing the Citadel, Liara was coming to visit her at the apartment. 

Precisely at 14:00 hours (Lila noted that Liara tried to be very precise about that sort of thing), she heard a knock on the door. She pushed herself off the couch and wandered over to answer it. A quick check of the security system confirmed it was Liara, and someone else with her, so Lila let them in.

“Lila, how are you feeling today?” Liara inquired in a bright voice as she entered with her companion. Lila frowned a moment as she placed the name she'd been given for the companion...Javik, that was it, the last prothean. 

“As well as can be expected,” Lila replied, a hint of her frustration at the situation in her voice. Liara normally came alone. She wondered why the Asari had brought Javik today.

“You are restless.” Javik had never really asked any questions in the few times Lila had been around him, he just made statements. “You are a champion warrior for your cycle, yet you hide here.”

Lila growled softly under her breath. “What do you expect me to do, Javik? Wander the halls of the Citadel and get mobbed by people and asked questions about things I don't remember? I can't spend all day at the gun range, though believe me I have tried, or sparring with Alliance soldiers.”

Javik eyed her as she imagined a scientist would eye a bug. “The solution is very obvious, Shepard,” he said bluntly.

Lila threw her arms up in the air. “Then by all means, Javik, I am all ears. If you have a solution to my fucking problem that Alliance and Council doctors haven't been able to figure out, tell me.”

“My mate and her people have had thousands of years to perfect their mind-meld techniques,” Javik replied, ignoring Lila's sarcasm. “Perhaps not Liara herself, but surely one of her matriarchs can bring your memories to the surface. As the mind and memories can be a delicate process, I will not attempt such myself.”

Lila's jaw dropped and she was struck silent for several minutes. She looked back and forth between Liara and Javik, then settled on Liara. “Is that why you brought him today?”

Liara shot a faintly annoyed glance at Javik but nodded. “Yes, though I was going to put it a bit more diplomatically.” She sighed. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about it...you've never liked other people in your head, particularly not after the Beacon, Leviathan...everything else

Lila chewed on her lower lip. "It does feel like I should be apprehensive, but...Liara, I am so tired of grasping at straws. I'm beginning to feel desperate." She shook her head and glanced at Javik with a snort, trying to move beyond the niggling sensation that she should be uncomfortable about the whole idea. “From what I have seen of Javik, diplomacy is not is strong suit. Fighting is.”  
Her brow scrunched and she looked at Javik. “Your mate?” she asked.

Javik put an almost possessive hand on Liara's hip. “You are aware that Asari mate with other raises, yes, even though you have lost your memory?”

Lila stared at him again as she realized the prothean was trying to joke with her. “Er, yeah. Kaidan mentioned you two spent a lot of time together, I didn't realize you'd decided to make it official,” she said at last. 

She turned back to Liara, hope dawning in her eyes. “Do you think it would really work? Can the Asari help me get my memories back?”

Liara nodded. “Though it is not without some risk, I think over a series of sessions with a powerful enough Matriarch, it is possible. It would not be instant, Lila, because the Matriarch would have to be very careful about how they manipulate your mental currents, but I do believe it can be done.” She paused. “My father has volunteered to help, Matriarch Aethyta. She believes since she has met you before and may be more familiar with you than some of the other Matriarchs that she might have better success.”

Lila took a deep breath as she processed all of this. After over a year of no memory, the year alone and now two months since being identified, she finally had some hope that she might get her memory back.

“I need to talk to Kaidan first,” she decided allowed. “I don't think he'd be happy with me making a decision about this without talking to him first. But..thank you, Liara, Javik. This is the best I've felt in months.”

“You will regain your memory, and you will show your cycle once more that you are a warrior to be reckoned with,” Javik said firmly.

Lila smiled, the first real smile she'd felt cross her lips in days. “Thank you for your vote of confidence, Javik.”


	7. Hope and Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila begins her therapy sessions with the Matriarch and makes some progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

Lila watched the apprehension play across Kaidan's features.

He sat on a bar stool across the counter from her. “Are you sure about this Lila?” he asked slowly. “You've never liked things getting inside your head.”

“I probably feel as apprehensive as you do,” Lila admitted, reaching across the kitchen counter and taking his hands in hers. The touch reassured them both, something that felt comfortable, easy. Of all the people she had been reintroduced to, she felt most comfortable around Kaidan. “But I'm not really making any progress on my own. And I want, I need, to remember, Kaidan. I need to remember who I am.”

His grip tightened on her hand for a moment and she felt a fine shutter run through him.

“I don't really like it, but I cannot fault you for wanting to do this,” Kaidan said at last. He reached up and ran a finger through her short, dark hair. “I just don't want to lose any more of you than I already have.”

Lila put her hand over his and brought his palm to her lips, kissing it gently. “According to Liara and her father, I won't lose anything I've already figured out. It's bringing repressed memories to the surface. They warned I might have nightmares, depending on what memories surface with each session, but both of them think it should be relatively safe.”

“I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?” Kaidan asked softly.

Lila shook her head firmly.

He managed a half smile. “You've always been stubborn, Lila.” He dropped his hand and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “Alright, but be careful, please.”

“I will, Kaidan, I promise.”

~~

“How do you feel?” Matriarch Aethyta asked as Lila opened her eyes.

“Strange, like I'm floating in a bit of a fog,” Lila admitted.

She was laying on a couch in Liara and Javik's apartment on the Citadel, with Liara's father leaning over the edge of the couch behind her, her hands on either side of Lila's head.

“Sit up slowly, you'll probably have a bit of a headache,” Aethyta warned. “I had to go pretty deep to start drawing your memories out.”

Lila nodded as she sat up, feeling an ache settling behind her temples. She frowned slightly as she caught sight of Liara, who sat at a desk in the living room, typing away at a console. “I met you on Therum,” Lila said suddenly. “You were trapped somehow, weren't you?” Lila frowned, rubbing at the ache in her temples.

Liara whirled around in her chair, her eyes wide in surprise. “You remember!” Joy infused the Asari's voice. 

“A little,” Lila admitted. “But I don't remember how you were trapped. Still, it's something.” Despite the pain in her head, she smiled at Aethyta. “Thank, Matriarch.”

Aethyta smiled and patted Lila's shoulder. “We've still got a fair ways to go, but this is a start,” she replied. “Give it another two or three days, give you time to remember more. Each memory you find should lead to more. Then we'll do another session.”

“Probably a good idea, I feel like it'll take me that long to get rid of the headache,” Lila strived for lightness. “Thank you both...so much.”

“Why don't you take a walk, Lila,” Liara suggested. “Do something soothing and give yourself time to process everything. You and I can meet tomorrow and talk more about our first meeting.” She smiled brightly. 

“Thank you again, Liara, Matriarch Aethyta.”

After saying her goodbyes and with a promise to contact Aethyta the next day to let her know of her progress, Lila set off through the Citadel. She found herself wandering through a shopping district, her eyes flickering briefly over each brightly lit sign.

Deliberately, she brought Kaidan's face to mind as she walked, wondering what she could remember about him. Her mental image was quickly followed by an image of him in fatigues, sorrow in his expression. Something about losing someone on their first mission together. Eden....what was the name of that planet? Eden something. She would have to look up her own record and see what she could find. She got the distinctive feeling that someone they both knew had been killed on that world though. 

That memory was followed by others: random flashes of standing with Kaidan in a ship, talking about missions, talking about friends. And then the phantom feeling of his hand on hers. She stopped mid-stride as she remembered an almost-kiss. Their first one, or had it happened somewhere in the middle.

Maybe it didn't matter that much right now, Lila reflected as she stepped to one side of the street so she was out of the way. Maybe what mattered right now was she was remembering him, that she remembered being close to him, and the feeling of his arms wrapped around her.

“What does he like?” she asked herself, rubbing again at her temple. Liara had given her something to help with the pain before she left, but it couldn't drive the headache away completely.

“Whiskey!”

Yes, she remembered that Kaidan liked whiskey, though she wasn't sure what brand, or if she could even find it here on the Citadel. Surely she could find some whiskey though, right? She scanned the stores around her, then noticed the glowing display where the AI Avina resided. The AI could tell where to find some place that sold whiskey. 

Lila brought up her omni-tool and confirmed she had plenty of credit to cover purchases, then marched purposely towards Avina.

~~

As the door to the apartment slid open, Kaidan was greeted by the scent of something in the oven, and the sound of humming from further in the apartment. The aura in the apartment felt lighter than it had in days, and the humming sounded happy.

“Lila?” he called as he entered the living room and kitchen area. He stopped when he saw a bottle of his second favorite brand of whiskey on the counter. Where had that come from?

“Kaidan, you're home.” 

He turned to see Lila coming down the stairs from the bedroom, dressed in clean fatigue pants, a tshirt, and barefoot. She smiled shyly at home. “How was your day?”

“It was alright,” he replied as he approached her, his hands at his sides, though he really just wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her at that smile of hers. “Normal council bullshit.”

“I guess I should be glad they've basically given me leave until I get my memory back, huh?” she asked lightly. “The casserole should be ready soon. Want a shot of whiskey? There's some beer too in the fridge.”

“Did you,” he glanced back at the bottle of whiskey on the counter. “Get that?”

She was still smiling shyly at him, not an expression he'd seen from her since they were first together. “I remembered you liked whiskey, though I wasn't sure if that was the right brand or not.”

Kaidan's eyes lit up and he stepped closer to her, his hands hovering just in front of him, as if he wanted to put them on her hips. “You remembered that? After your session this morning with Liara's father?”

Lila nodded. “It's coming in snatches, but I am remembering things. Aethyta said it would take a few sessions at least, and a little time to remember more, but it's a good start.” She deliberately stepped closer them, guiding one of Kaidan's hand to her hip.

Kaidan let out deep breath and wrapped his arms around her. Lila rested her head on his shoulder and felt Kaidan trembling against her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and just let him hold her. It felt good, and she breathed in the scent of his aftershave, other half-submerged memories playing tantalizingly through her mind. 

That night, for the first time since they'd been reunited, Lila didn't go lay on the couch when it was time to go to bed. She sat almost hesitantly on the edge of her side of the bed, then laid down. Slowly, she rolled over, closing the distance between herself and her husband. Just as hesitantly, Kaidan wrapped an arm around her as she began to drift off to sleep.  


And for the first time in months, Lila slept the night through, safe in Kaidan's embrace


	8. Resurrection and the Odds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila spends a little time with friends, and an old friend rejoins the crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

As a part of her treatment, Lila was regularly spending time with her former crew mates from the Normandy, slowly relearning who each of them were, and slowly regaining the memories she had with them. Often a chance remark, or a the retelling of a story would cause a flicker of memory, a flash that would lead to discovering over memories locked within her head. 

Today was about something other than regaining memories though.

Kaidan couldn't be here because he was investigating anonymous threats against the Council. Lila recalled his expression that morning as she'd seen him off. He'd been frustrated because he wanted to be here for this, but resolute that he had a duty to fulfill. Lila had leaned up and brushed her lips lightly against his own, surprising him, and causing a smile to cross his face. 

It had been two weeks since she'd started her sessions with Matriarch Aethyta, and Lila felt those sessions were far more productive than any meeting with any psychologist had been. Aethyta had spent her time drawing memories out, and reconnecting the right circuits in Lila's mind. The Matriarch was confident that within a few months, Lila's memory should be restored completely...it was better than the year or more the Alliance doctors had originally given her upon her return to the Citadel.

Lila recalled the smile Kaidan had worn as he left that morning after she'd kissed him. Since the night they'd first slept together again, she'd been giving him shy kisses on the cheek, slowly growing more confident as she remembered more of their relationship, of their time together. She thought she'd do just about anything to see that smile on Kaidan's lips.

“Is it ready yet?” Joker's voice broke into her revery and she glanced over from where she stood against one wall. They were in Tali and Garrus's apartment, and EDI's still body lay on the couch. Tali and another quarian from portion of the Migrant fleet stuck here in the Sol system had been working for months to get EDI up and function again. Thus far most of their efforts had only resulted in a robotic VI. 

Lila wasn't sure if she was glad she had missed the original drama surrounding that or not. After the Reapers had been destroyed (according to Anderson she'd fired the Crucible, but that was one memory Lila wasn't sure she was ever going to regain), all synthetic life in the universe had simply shut down. The Reapers had been destroyed, but the blast had taken EDI and the Geth along with them.

Originally the Council had been very hesitant to allow the Quarians to work on the Geth, but Kaidan had evidently argued quite delinquently in the defense of the idea. He had argued that Lila had not managed to do the impossible and broker peace between the Quarians and the Geth just to let all that work go to waste. Besides, if they could get the Geth back on line, now that they had individual consciousness, they no doubt could help repair the relays, particularly since synthetic Geth platforms could go places that no organic lifeform could go, even in a suit. 

The Quarians, after almost 10 months of work and using the Citadel AI Avina, who somehow had remained online, as their guide, had managed first to get the Geth through smaller displays, and then had slowly begun transferring them to the individual Geth platforms. It was time consuming, taking many hours to download one Geth consciousness to a mobile platform, but thus far their attempts had all been successful.

It had been Tali who had discovered that somehow EDI had saved a portion of her consciousness on a platform they found in the Normandy, one that ran independently of the Normandy systems and had been offline when the blast from the Crucible had knocked all the Normandy's systems offline. Tali wasn't sure if EDI would be able to integrate well with the Normandy itself again, which was currently running with a more standard VI, but she believed if they could get EDI's mobile platform up and running, they could download her consciousness onto it. 

“Almost Joker!” Tali replied for the third time, shooting the pilot a look through the visor of her suit.

“Why don't you sit down beside her, Joker,” Lila suggested. She grabbed two chairs from the bar and dragged them over beside the couch where they would be out of the way. She pushed Joker into one and sat beside him in the other, taking his hand reassuringly. “If Aethyta can get me back online, Tali can get EDI back online, have some faith.”

Joker gave her an odd look. “Remembering a lot more?”

“Not everything, but I have an idea of who all of you are now,” Lila smiled. “And I can remember snatches of things I've done with you.”

“Here we go,” Tali announced, keying something on her omni-tool.

Joker gripped Lila's hand so tightly her fingers went white, but she didn't complain. She could see that EDI meant a lot to him. While Lila right now could only remember her as the AI from the Normandy SR2 and not her walking around in the mobile platform that one housed Dr. Eva, she knew that Joker cared very much for the AI.

A sheen of electricity passed over EDI's silver form, sparks rising from her for a moment. Then, very slowly, the silver platform opened her eyes.

“This is the Enhanced Defense Intelligence,” the mobile platform announced in a monotone voice. 

“Permission to install the additional security files?” Tali's voice held a note of excitement. She'd spent the past several hours download them onto EDI's platform. Now came the real test though, if they would 'install.'

“Perimeters reviewed, permission granted,” came the reply. 

Tali spent the next few minutes flipping through a variety of screens and controls on her omni-tool while Joker gripped Lila's hand, his heart in his eyes. 

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the EDI unit sat up suddenly. 

“Jeff?”

That wasn't a monotone voice.

“EDI?” Joker's voice was choked with emotion.

“I believe I am back online,” EDI said in a tone of familiar humor.

Lila would never be able to say she had never seen the pilot cry again. With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks, he and EDI's metalic form embraced, and Lila swore she saw just as much emotion in EDI's gaze as Joker's.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

Finally, Joker pulled back, but kept an arm firmly around EDI's waist. EDI looked around the room, first at Tali, then, she looked in surprise at Lila.

“You survived,” she said, sounding pleasantly surprised.

“My systems weren't completely intact, but yes,” Lila replied with a smile.

“Calculations indicated you had a 0.03% chance of survival after firing the Catalyst,” EDI replied. “I am glad the calculations were wrong.”

Lila grinned. “To quote an old Earth movie, never tell me the odds, at least not for me surviving any insane task I take on.”

“Perhaps you belong outside the calculations,” EDI replied. 

“Welcome back EDI.”


	9. Late Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila reflects on the day, Kaidan reflects on their present
> 
> Fluff..Fluffly Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

Lila recalled how happy Joker had been when EDI had said his name that afternoon after she had been...rebooted, resurrected? Regardless of whatever word you used, EDI's return was something to be celebrated.

She'd been in a great mood upon returning to the apartment she shared with Kaidan, ready to spend the evening with her husband, maybe try and recall more memories of EDI's time on the Normandy SR2. She was surprised to find the apartment empty though. She checked her omni-tool and saw a short message she must have missed from Kaidan.

_Working late. Love you, will see you later tonight._

_K_

Lila's lips twisted into a disappointed frown, but she remembered to an extent how important his job was, how important the job of a Spectre was in general. Hopefully she would eventually regain all her memories, and return to work herself. 

She remembered snatches of the fight against the Reapers, of gathering allies and a giant machine they worked together to build to destroy the Reapers. Based on conversations with Admiral Hackett, Councilor Anderson (Hackett had finally convinced him to take the job on a permanent basis), and the Normandy's crew, she knew that machine, weapon really, had been called the Crucible. There had been some kind of choice she'd had to make, one that had a devastating affect on the synthetic lifeforms in the galaxy, but she wasn't quite sure what that choice had been.

Recalling Joker's face that day, she thought perhaps it was better she couldn't remember what choices she'd had right now.

Lila moved around the apartment flipping on a couple lights, for some reason feeling suddenly lonely. She trailed upstairs to change out of her fatigues. When it came time to change shirts, she picked up a t-shirt Kaidan had carelessly tossed on top of the dresser and brought it to her nose, inhaling the light, spicy scent of her husband. She shrugged and pulled the shirt on over her head, Kaidan's scent clinging to her as she headed back downstairs to make tea.

When it came time to find something to eat, nothing in the chiller looked good so she ordered Chinese, from one of the few places on the Citadel that actually delivered. Chinese wasn't bad reheated and she was sure Kaidan would be hungry when he got home.

She briefly considered ordering sushi but the idea of sushi really didn't appeal for some reason. Something about a fish tank?

She ensconced herself on the couch with fried rice and Fleet and Flotilla and watched the hours tick by. 

It was almost 02:00 hours when Kaidan finally made it open, stepping into the apartment to hear the sound of Fleet and Flotilla blaring on the screen (Lila had put it on replay), and Lila curled up on the couch snoring. She wore one of his old Alliance t-shirts, dark curls tumbling over one cheek.

She looked absolutely adorable.

Kaidan set his pack down and moved over to the couch, leaning down to brush his lips against hers.  
“Mmm, Kaidan?” she asked as she awoke. She blinked blearily at home. “ Wha time is it?”

“02:00,” Kaidan replied, glancing at the display beneath the screen. “You didn't have to wait up Lila.”

“Yes I did,” she replied. She yawned. “Chinese in the chiller if you want any. Didn't feel like cooking.”

“Fleet and Flotilla?” Kaidan asked as he glanced at the screen.

“Mmhmm...recall I used to watch it with Tali on the ship,” Lila murmured sleepily. “Work keep you out, the threats to the Council?”

Kaidan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. It was a familiar gesture, and even though the conversation topic wasn't the best, Lila smiled at the memory, at the fact that she could remember the gesture.

“Yeah, I spent the day chasing clues through some portions of the Wards that aren't in the best condition.”

Lila sobered and sat up. She knew there were still several parts of the Citadel that needed to be rebuilt or reinforced. The conditions in some of those areas were particularly dangerous.

“You okay?” she asked, reaching up to cup his cheek in her hand.

Kaidan sat on the couch beside her, placing his hand over her own and savored her touch. “Yeah, just tired.”

“Then get some food and we'll go to bed,” Lila said firmly. 

“So EDI is back?” Kaidan asked as he went into the kitchen to get food. Lila had sent him a message after the procedure that afternoon.

“Yes, though there seem to be some gaps in her memory,” Lila smiled with a little humor. “Kind of like me.”

“Well, if Aethyta can help reconnect your circuits, so to speak, I'm sure Tali can help EDI,” Kaidan replied. 

He gazed at her as he date, thinking that only a few months ago he never thought he would have a moment like this with his wife again. 

“I love you, Lila,” he said.

Lila paused in the act of picking up her tea cup. She looked at the tea cup, then looked at him. Carefully she set the tea cup down and crossed the distance between them. Coming up behind Kaidan, she wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you too, Kaidan,” she said softly into his back.

He had to strain a bit to hear her, but he smiled.

It was enough.


	10. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila and Kaidan finally have the chance to have a proper date night. Smut Warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect  
> Smut Ahoy!

Another day, another session with Aethyta.

This time Lila had thought to bring painkillers with her and take them before Aethyta started rooting around in her mind. 

Lila lay back on the couch and watched the Matriarch lean over her, practicing the breathing exercises that she'd originally been taught to stave on panic attacks, but now used to help her relax. As she closed her eyes, she felt Aethyta placing her cool fingertips on her temples.

A wash of emotion, then flashes of images. She saw the Normandy, the original one, as she'd begun to learn to tell the difference between the two in her memory. She was standing in the cargo bay talking to Kaidan. They almost kissed, and then Joker interrupted to tell them something.

On the heels of that memory came another, this time in the Captain's quarters of the original Normandy. Kaidan's body pressed against her own, being pressed against the mattress and...

Lila's cheeks heated a bit, knowing after enough sessions that Aethyta saw whatever memories Lila did. 

Aethyta guided her towards other memories of her relationship with Kaidan. She felt a flash of pain over Horizon, relief at Kaidan's survival after Mars, and their date at Apollos when they'd brought it all out into the open.

When Aethyta finally released her temples and Lila opened her eyes, she felt the remnants of tears, both of pain and joy, on her cheeks. 

Aethyta gave her a knowing look as she took a seat beside Lila on the couch.

“Not much longer, I think. A few more sessions, and the rest will be up to you,” the Matriarch said. She smiled. “You've come a long way in a few weeks, Commander. I can see even more that you have been a good friend to my daughter. Thank you. You were there for her when she needed it most.”

Lila glanced towards the office where Liara and Javik were arguing particulars of the book they were writing.

“She was there for me too,” Lila said. “That's what friends do.”

Aethyta nodded. “Now, I want you and that Major of yours to go on a date. And then for the two of you to actually do more than just cuddle in the bedroom

Lila blinked at the Asari Matriarch.

“You want him, Commander, your body's reaction to your memories are proof enough of that. A date will do the two of you good. Go shopping, buy a new outfit, make yourself feel attractive, and go on a date with that man,” Aethyta told her firmly. “In fact.” She raised her voice. “Liara, stop arguing with your mate and go shopping with your human friend here. She needs something so she and her Major can get laid.”

Well that was blunt. Lila felt her cheeks flush again.

And so an hour or so later, Lila found herself shopping for clothing with Liara and Tali.

“Definitely something red, Shepard,” Tali said firmly. “Or maybe purple.”

“Your preference for purple is well known, Tali,” Lila replied with a laugh. “But I think red might suit better. Has Garrus ever seen you in anything but purple?”

“Only nothing at all,” the Quarian replied cheekily.

Liara held up a dress to Lila's frame, one red, one blue. “Hmm..you look good in jewel tones, red or blue would work. But for a hot date with Kaidan, I think Tali is right, red is the color to go with.”

“No dresses,” Lila said firmly, eyeing the two short numbers that Liara was holding up. She glanced around the store, idly noting sales people hovering to one side, perfectly willing to assist the famous Commander Shepard-Alenko with her shopping.

Lila moved through the store until she finally found a rack of dressy jumpsuits and began sorting through them. Liara and Tali followed. Lila picked one, considering the short capped sleeves and scoop neckline.

“No, not that one,” Liara said firmly. She snatched it from Lila's hand and placed it back on the rack, then pulled out another red jumpsuit.

It was sleeveless, with wide, flowing legs. What gave Lila some pause though was the rather plunging neckline.

“I don't think I even own a bra that I could wear with that,” Lila protested. “And I'm not exactly sized to go without a bra.”

“If I may suggest, Commander?” a salesman stepped up, holding a box in one hand. “This particular one has thin enough straps to go under that, and is made to accommodate some of the more daring neck lines.”

“Thank you,” Liara paused as she glanced at his name tag. “Marco.” She grinned. “What do you think Tali.”

The Quarian sounded as if she was giggling behind her mask. “Oh I think the Major will be anxious to get Shepard home after seeing her in that.”

Lila eyed her friends and then sighed, turning to Marco. “Alright, I'll try it on...I'll need shoes to go with it. Something flat though, I'll break my ankle if I try walking in heels.”

Marco smiled understandably. “I think we can accommodate that request, Commander.”

Liara also insisted that they stop and get Lila's hair trimmed. The Commander hadn't trimmed her hair in months, and it was sadly evident. As they walked along the street after finishing their shopping, though, Lila was feeling more confident about this date with Kaidan. 

“Shepard...before we go, I should have given to you back at my apartment, but,” Liara paused and pulled the other two women to one side. She reached into a pocket and pulled out a small bag and handed it to Lila. “Go on, open it,” Liara said with the Commander hesitated.

Lila carefully untied the top of the bag and dumped the contents into her hands. Her eyes widened.

“Where did you find these?” she asked with a gasp as she held up the chain with her ID tags, and more importantly, a simple white gold wedding band, on it.

“I have connections,” Liara replied. “It took some doing, but I contacted someone near Springfield and had them search the area where you were originally found. They found them in the rubble...they were willing to help for the price of a bit of help with the infrastructure.”  
Lila hugged Liara tightly. “Thank you so much, Liara...and thank you Tali.”

Tali sniffed behind her visor and hugged Lila as well. “Now go get ready for that date, Shepard, and tell us all about it tomorrow.”

“Assuming they even get out of bed tomorrow,” Liara laughed wickedly. She had grown up a lot in the past few years.

Fighting a blush, Lila bid her friends goodbye and headed home.

~~

Kaidan rubbed his forehead as he pushed aside a bit of debris. “Another dead end.”

“We'll find the source, Major,” Bailey promised as he moved up beside Kaidan.

“I hope so. With the vandalism to the council chambers yesterday, and the threats received by two Councilors, the sooner we get to the bottom of this the better.”

Kaidan shook his head. “And we'll -” his words were cut off by a ping on his omni-tool from Lila.

_Meet me at Apollos at 18:30 hours. Wear something nice. Love you._

_L_

“Date tonight?” Bailey inquired, peering over Kaidan's shoulder curiously.

Kaidan eyed the CSEC agent before hitting reply. “Evidently so.”

“Well when the wife plans a date, I wouldn't argue,” Bailey said with a grin.

Kaidan nodded in agreement as he keyed a message to his wife agreeing to meet her at Apollos. He did actually have a nice button down at the office, though he couldn't remember now why he had them there. Still, if Lila had something planned, he could dress up for her. 

At 18:30, Kaidan arrived at Apollos, glancing around the cafe for his wife.

“This way, Spectre Alenko,” a host said, approaching him.

He was lead to a somewhat secluded table where Lila was already seated. As she rose to her feet and smiled at him, Kaidan felt his heart skip a beat.

She was dressed in a sleeveless red jumpsuit that skimmed her upper curves then gracefully fell around her legs. The cleavage line came almost to the bottom of her bosom and Kaidan felt himself reacting at the sight. Thank goodness he wasn't wearing tight pants.

“Lila?” he asked as he approached.

“Date night,” Lila said. “Apollo's seemed appropriate since we had our first real date here.” 

“You remembered?” he asked as he pulled her into his arms. He gave her a kiss, unable to keep the heat out of his eyes as he gazed down at her. Then he noticed the white gold band on her left ring finger.

“Liara found it,” Lila replied softly. She ginned as she pressed her body against his own, close enough to feel his physical reaction to her. Kaidan's eyes turned molten for a moment before she pulled back and guided him to his seat.

“Sure we need to have dinner?” he asked as he watched her.

“You made me wait that first date, I'm going to make you wait now,” Lila replied, running her leg against his under the table.

Kaidan swallowed. It had been over a year since he'd lain with his wife. They hadn't done another more than hold each other since she'd started sleeping in the bed with him again, but tonight it seemed she had plans beyond that.

Throughout the meal, Lila watched him with those vivid blue eyes, her gaze holding a promise, and holding more confidence than he had seen in her for a while.

Once they'd paid for their meal she took his hand in hers, tugging him towards their home, her eyes sparkling under the lights of the Citadel. She paused in a secluded corner on the way there and pulled him against her, pressing her body against the length of his own and leaned up to kiss him, dragging her tongue along his lips.

Kaidan groaned softly against her lips, running his hand along the length of her back and bottom, cupping that perfect bottom in his hands as she pressed against his erection. He could feel the heat of her own desire even through the cloth.

“Please, Lila, its been too long. Lets get home before we do something in public?”

Her wicked laughter filled his ears as they hurried home.

When they reached their door, before she could step through, Kaidan picked her up in his arms, carrying her over the threshold.

“I thought that was only right after the wedding,” she smiled. 

“I didn't get to do it after our wedding,” Kaidan replied. “But I can do it now.” He slid the door shut behind them and set her on her feet.

She was on him instantly, kissing him passionately, her tongue twirling along his own as she pressed the heat of her body against his own.

“Lila,” he groaned her name like a prayer as he pressed her against him, picking her up again. Lila wrapped her legs around his waist. The heat of her core pressed against his throbbing erection through their clothing, rocking with each step and they both groaned. 

He carried her up the stairs to her bedroom and set her on the edge of the bed, watching the desire burning in her eyes. His own eyes were molten gold in the pale light of their bedroom. She reached up and began unbuttoning his shirt. He returned the favor, finding the zipper on the back of her jumpsuit and sliding it down. She let the straps slide of her shoulders and it pooled around her waist, leaving her in a plunging black bra. 

Kaidan sucked in his breath as her hands reached his belt, pausing to run her hands over the straining cloth beneath it. Then she undid his belt and fly, slipping her hands inside his pants and boxers.  
“Lilllaaa,” his knees almost buckled in pleasure as she wrapped her hand around him and caressed him. He shuttered in pleasure. “If you keep that up I don't know if I'll ever make it inside you.”

She smiled and stood, letting the jumpsuit fall the rest of the way off her body, now in nothing but black, lacy underwear.

“So beautiful,” he said, gazing upon her body, scars old and new, but she would always be beautiful to him.

“Kaidan.” She said his name pressing back against him once more.

“Tonight is for us,” she promised. “Just you and me. I need you Kaidan, and you need me.” She squeezed him again.

“We do,” he agreed. “I love you so much, Lila.”

“I love you too Kaidan.” She leaned up to kiss him again. 

Two shadows melded into one, and the two lovers rediscovered each other.


	11. Nightmares and Soothing Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan has a nightmare. Lila comforts him. And Smut, because I can. Back to plot next chapter, I promise. Next chapter to come sometime this weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

“Lila? No, please don't leave me behind...Lila!”

Kaidan's panicked voice broke through her sleep fogged brain. Lila's blue eyes flew open to find Kaidan crying out in the midst of a nightmare beside her.

“Kaidan, it's okay, I'm here,” she pulled her trashing lover into her arms, pressing her forehead against his and kept speaking in a low voice, soothing the nightmare away.

Kaidan's warm brown eyes flew open and she saw agony in his eyes a moment. “Don't let this be a dream,” he whispered, reaching up to touch her face. “Lila?”

“I'm real, love,” she said as he sat up, pulling her fully into his arms and holding her tightly against his chest. 

“So many times I'd wake up from a dream and you weren't here,” Kaidan murmured into her hair. He sighed. “Sorry I woke you.”

She tilted her head back a bit to meet his gaze. “Sorry for a nightmare? Kaidan you have no control over that, and given what we've been through in the past few years, it's kind of to be expected.” She traced her hand along his jawline. “I have no intention of trying to go and get myself killed again. Dead or almost dead twice was more than enough.”

She leaned up and pressed her lips against his own, shifting her legs until she was straddling him, sitting in his lap.

“Lila,” Kaidan groaned as he returned the kiss, running a hand lightly along her spine. She felt him reacted against her center and shivered, feeling his desire heat her own. She rocked against him, teasing them both. 

“Not enough for you?” she asked as she smiled against his lips.

“I'll never get enough of you,” Kaidan replied, nipping her lower lip. “And after more than a year, we have some lost time to make up for.” He slipped a hand between them, finding the pearl of her clit with his thumb and began stroking lightly. 

“Kaaiidan,” Lila twisted and squirmed against him as he stroked her. She felt desire pool in her core and Kaidan could feel her heat against his cock.

“I love the way you called my name, I love the way you look when I pleasure you,” Kaidan said huskily as he slid a finger into her folds, finding her damp and needy.

Lila whimpered softly as he teased her, rocking against his fingers as he found that one spot that drive her while. “K-Kaidan, please love, plleeaseee.”

“What do you want, Lila?” he asked as he kissed down her neck and to the globe of one breast, nibbling lightly at her flesh.

“Fuck me, Kaidan, please.”

She whimpered again as he removed his hand, only to replace it with the blunted head of his cock. Slowly he slid her down over himself, feeling her stretch to accommodate him. As he settled in to the hilt, he took her nipple in his mouth, rolling it with his tongue.

Lila began moving her hips against his own, lifting herself off him in heady strokes as he placed his hands on her hip. The friction felt delicious, fulfilling a deep seated need within both of them. He twitched as he buried himself deep inside of her with every thrust. 

As the moments ticked by Lila picked up the pace, feeling the edge of paradise just out of reach as they made love. “Yes, yes, yes,” she chanted as he kissed across to her other breast, taking that nipple in his mouth then.

“So close, Lila. You're so beautiful.” Kaidan traced a hand along her scars, memorizing every one and thinking later he might want to run his tongue over every scar until she screamed his name and begged him to slide into her,

A flicker of blue danced across her skin, spreading as she reached the edge. Her folds clenched around him and Lila cried out her husband's name, clinging tightly to him. “Kkkaaiiidaaaaannn.”

Kaidan's own biotics flared and they were encompassed in blue fire as he came, pressing her hips hard against his own as he released himself inside her.

Lila collasped on top of Kaidan and he collapsed back against the bed, relearning how to breath as his wife sprawled on top of him. The flare of biotics faded and he lifted her chin to kiss her. “I haven't seen you do anything like that since we were reunited,” he remarked.

Lila blinked at him. “I don't think I've used my biotics since..well probably since the Reapers. I'm more than just a bit out of practice. That was rather...involuntary.”

“I certainly don't mind the reaction,” he replied. “Though you might want to start practicing again.” He smiled. “I have the day off tomorrow, and I've got experience teaching biotics.”

“How utterly romantic,” Lila laughed as she slowly slid off him and lay beside him on the bed. 

“Not as good as you in that outfit tonight, but it is something we can do together,” Kaidan replied.

“Other than spend all day in bed?”

“As lovely as that sounds, my love, I think the sooner you remember how to control your biotics, the better,” Kaidan said.

Lila pretended to pout until Kaidan snaked his arm around her and pulled him flush against him again. “Though we can certainly spend the morning in bed.”

“I like the sound of that.”


	12. Practice and Unpredictability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila gets called back into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

“Come on, Lila, lets take a break.” Kaidan said sympathetically as he saw his wife rubbing at her temples. “Migraine.”

“Beginnings of one, yes. It's been awhile since I've really used the biotics.”

Kaidan looked at the damaged mechs that littered the arena floor. “Well I think we've done enough damage for today anyway. 

The blue glow vanished from around both of them as Kaidan lead her off the arena floor. 

The Armax Arsenal Arena was the best place to practice on the Citadel, and Kaidan and Lila had done fairly well today in a series of simulations against mechs. Kaidan had been particularly pleased with how easily he and Lila had fallen into line with one another; at how well their tactics had matched up. 

Other than what they had regained in their personal relationship, Lila's battle prowess, and how well she matched her tactics to him, as if they'd been fighting together for a lifetime, showed Kaidan just how much progress his wife had made in her quest to regain her memory.

“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” he asked as they stepped out of the arena and into the prep area. 

Lila grinned at him as she removed her helmet. “Yes, but I don't mind hearing it again,” she replied, leaning up to kiss him. 

Kaidan growled softly against her lips as she deepened the kiss and snaked an arm around her waist. “Damn woman. If we weren't in public..”

“You'd strip my armor off and take me on the floor?” Lila suggested helpfully.

Kaidan bit back a groan at the image, and the throbbing in his nether regions. “I just hope this is affecting you as much as it is me.”

“It is,” Lila promised him, running her tongue over her lips. “Why don't w-”

An steady ping on his omni-tool interrupted their conversation. 

“Sorry, love, gotta taken this,” Kaidan sighed and turned to take the message. He muttered softly and glanced at her. “Work. See you at home?”

“Council business?” Lila asked as she brushed her lips against his again. 

“Yeah...another supposed lead on the threats being made against the various Councilors.”

Lila winced slightly. “Alright. I have a session with the Matriarch this afternoon anyway. I'll see you tonight at home.”

He pulled her close for a moment, both arms wrapped around her, even in their armor. “I'll see you tonight, Lila. Love you.” He kissed her forehead, and then her lips. 

“Be careful, Kaidan. I love you too,” she replied.

She watched him exit the prep area, still in his armor. As he walked away, she felt an odd chill up her spine. She couldn't shake the feeling that something unpleasant was about to happen. 

~~

“Very good, Commander,” Aethyta's voice broke through Lila's memories, bringing her back to the present.

Lila opened her eyes, feeling the familiar headache forming in her temples. She'd gained a lot for that pain, though, and she knew it was worth it. 

“I don't think we'll need more than one more session, maybe two at most,” the Asari Matriarch told Lila as she sat back in her chair. “The memories are all there, it's just a matter of connecting the last of the links for you to be able to bring them to the surface. Any more nightmares?”

Lila nodded and forced herself into a sitting position. “A few...Soverign, the Collector base.” She shivered lightly. “I've done a lot, Matriarch, a lot I'm not necessarily proud of.”

“Lila, you did what was necessary,” Liara said in Lila's defense, spinning around from where she sat at her console. “Without you none of us would be here.”

Lila held up a hand. “I get that on an intellectual level,” she said. “But on an emotional? There is a lot I'd prefer not to remember, but I feel like I have a responsibility to remember, because eventually, no one else will. In a few centuries, you and Wrex and Grunt may be the only ones who remember it all, more than just the legend.” She frowned. “We need everything preserved, the good and the bad.”

“So work with the Geth and make recordings,” Liara suggested. 

Lila tilted her head thoughtfully. “The Geth?”

Aethyta pursed her lips. “I don't know how much I like the Geth, but I can see the advantage,” she admitted. “Even if one Geth goes down, their memories go into the collective consciousness. So the Geth will remember everything. The good and the bad.”

“Tali can help with the project,” Liara said. “With that platform, Phosphorus, following her around, they're probably the best to know which Geth can record your story.” 

“Good idea.” Lila pulled up her omni-tool and began typing out a message to Tali while the subject was fresh on her mind. Just as she hit send, Aethyta's onmi-tool and Lila's pinged simultaneously.

“Assassination attempt on Asari Councilor, other councilors going on lockdown.” Lila felt a chill as she read the words aloud. Her eyes snapped to Liara. “Got a sidearm I can use handy?”

"Why on earth are they calling you?" Liara asked in concern as she rose from her console.

"I'm technically still a Spectre, Liara," Lila replied. "And if things are going to shit, they're going to want all hands on deck."

“Just a sidearm?” Aethyta asked as she rose to grab her own weapon and prepared to leave. 

“Biotics,” Lila replied as Liara moved into the other room and returned with a belt, holster, and sidearm. As Lila fastened the belt around her waist, she noticed Liara doing the same. “You coming with?”

“Of course, Lila, I'm not letting you go into battle alone. Is this a good idea though without your armor?” Liara replied. 

“No time for that, and I can't get through to Kaidan,” Lila replied as she glanced at her omni-tool. 

“Javik will meet us at the tower,” Liara said.

“Just like told times,” Lila made a half-hearted joke as she and the two asari hurried out of the apartment.


	13. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila has a flash of an old memory, and they deal with the assassins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

“Councilor Anderson, do you copy?”

Lila frowned as she received only static as her response to trying to hail the human councilor. She exchanged a glance with Liara. “Any word on Councilor Tevos?”

“Father says that Tevos has been secured, but that leaves the others,” Liara replied.

“Keeper tunnels,” Lila said. “We need a quick way to move through the Citadel.”

“And if the assassins have taken them?” Javik asked in his droll voice.

“Then we take them out,” Lila replied grimly.

They moved quickly through the Presidium. Lila's memories of the keeper tunnels were fuzzy, but it was all she had to go on right now, and Javik and Liara weren't displaying any misgivings about her directions, so she went on instinct.

She made a note to send Matriarch Aethyta some kind of gift later. Without the Asari's intervention she didn't know how long it would have taken her to regain these memories, if ever.

She followed the somewhat familiar path towards Anderson's office, since she'd met with the human councilor more than once since coming to the Citadel with Kaidan. She tried to hail him again and got more static. 

“Councilor Sparatus?” Lila spoke into her mike, trying to raise the Turian councilor. Kaidan had said something about a Council meeting at some point today, so it was possible Anderson might have been with one of the other Councilors.

“Under....fire,” came the disjointed reply.

“Shit. Location?” Lila asked.

“Tunnels, tried to take....cove-” the transmission cut out.

Lila pulled up her omni-tool, trying to trace where the transmission had come from. She saw a ping on her tool and nodded, leading Liara and Javik into a side hallway and ducked into a little used doorway that lead into the Keeper tunnels.

As she kicked the door in, one of the Keepers stood in their way a moment, staring noiselessly at the Commander. Lila pushed past the Keeper, not giving a damn right now about the fact that they weren't supposed to touch them or anything else. After what she remembered with Soverign and the Crucible, she wasn't entirely sure she trusted the things. With the Repear Threat ended, most people seemed to leave the Keepers alone, but Lila was beginning to think it was something that they should look further into.

At least the Keeper, and two more that they ran into, didn't try and stop them. 

With every turn Lila kept her eyes on the ping on her omni-tool, letting it lead her through the confusing maze of the Keeper tunnels. She kept trying to hail Anderson or Sparatus, but met with static each time. 

“Liara, what do we know about these asassination attempts? Kaidan hasn't said much,” Lila asked over the comm as she lead her team through the maze.

“My sources say it may be some kind of extremist group,” Liara replied. “Not just humans, but others, Asari, Salarians, other races.”

“Extremist group? Against humans, for humans, what?” Lila pressed.

“I was getting to that,” Liara replied to the impatience in Lila's voice. “They seem to blame the Council for all of the destruction. If the Council had just listened to warnings beforehand, maybe so many lives wouldn't have been lost to the Reapers.”

Lila grunted in response. That might be true, she really didn't know anymore, given how utterly destructive the Reapers were. Maybe if they'd found the Crucible earlier, maybe if they had- “We can't spend forever playing what if games,” Lila said, cutting off her own thoughts. “That just wastes time and doesn't help the survivors.”

“Without the threat of war, though, some do not pay attention to the idea of building for the future, and dwell too much on the past,” Javik intoned. “War has been my entire life, but now I focus on building the future. For my mate. For our daughter?”

“Daughter?” Lila shot a glance at Liara and saw the Asari blush. “Huh.” Was all she said. She paused when she heard static come through on her comm, followed by a few words. 

“Shepard...moved, beyond. Anderson with me. Shuttle sta-” the Turian Councilor's voice broke off again.

“We're coming!” Lila almost shouted over the comm.

She lifted her omni-tool, refocusing on the new transmission. And dashed down the tunnel. Another turn, and they were met with a door. With Javik and Liara at her back, she kicked through the door and found herself on a shuttle platform outside. There was a dead human sprawled on the ground and Anderson was holding his side while Sparatus examined the wound.

And pointing a gun in her direction was Kaidan Alenko.

Lila almost felt the breath go out of her as the familiar scene hit her. 

Then two unfamiliar figures came bursting out of the elevator shaft. Kaidan immediately turned his weapon in that direction and Lila drew a bead on one of the two. She saw the flash of light of the firearm one of them held and heard the shot from Kaidan's firearm.

At the same time she heard the grating sound of metal on metal as the door of a shuttle sitting on the edge of the platform was forced open. Another hooded individual charged forward, directly towards Kaidan and the Councilors.

“Fuck no,” Lila snarled. A familiar blue enveloped her body and she charged back at them.   
The force of the impact jarred them both as Lila forced the assailant back against the shuttle with the force of her momentum. Glaring blue eyes seared through her and she felt someone trying to reach into her mind forcibly as she recognized the hooded figure for an Asari.

Lila felt a stabbing pain through her skull and reacted on instinct. Her hands came up to seize the Asari's head on either side and twisted with all the force of her strength and biotics.

A sickening snap echoed through the air and the Asari fell limp against her. Lila staggered back against the weight, feeling one last shard of pain through her head before everything went black.


	14. Settling Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect
> 
> Epilogue coming soon

Lila came to with a familiar pounding in her head that told her she had overused her biotics. She started to open her eyes and groaned at the piercing bright light, shutting them immediately. She heard someone fumble with a switch and voice telling her it was alright to open her eyes now.

She opened her eyes cautiously and found a young doctor she didn't recognize standing over her. “How are you feeling?” the Doctor asked in a pleasant voice.

“Like I went toe to toe with a brute,” Lila murmured softly. “My head is killing me.”

“That is fairly common when one overuses their biotics and shorts their implant temporarily,” the Doctor replied. She fiddled with something and inserted something int Lila's IV. “There you go, that should take effect soon. Between using your biotics after going so long without using them, and an Asari trying to insert themselves into your head, I'm surprised all you have is a headache.”

“Any permanent damage?” Lila asked.

The doctor shook her head. “No. After a day or two of rest you should be alright, though I highly suggest you get more practice with your biotics again before you go using them like that, even with that L5 implant.” She smiled. “There are a few people waiting for you, feel up to visitors?”

“Yeah,” Lila replied. “I won't have to stay overnight will I?”

The doctor shook her head. “No, we'll discharge you in another hour or so. I'll send your husband back before he paces a groove in the waiting room floor.”

Kaidan appeared in the doorway of the room a few minutes later, a worried crease in his forehead. He was still wearing his armor, Lila noted.

“You feeling alright?” he asked as he took a seat beside the bed. He reached out, taking her hand in his.

“Yeah, just a headache,” Lila replied. “Doctor said they didn't see any permanent damage.”

Kaidan heaved a sigh. “Thank god. Don't ever do that again, Lila,” he said.

“I seem to remember you telling me the same thing after I went underwater after a Leviathan,” Lila said trying to lighten the mood. “I also remember our positions being reversed at some point after Mars.”

“You remember all that?” Kaidan asked, squeezing her hand.

Lila smiled, then winced a bit at her throbbing head. “Yeah. I think between the earlier session with Aethyta and that asari trying to head fuck me, everything's back, more or less.”

The relief in Kaidan's expression warmed her and he leaned over the bed, placing a lingering kiss on her lips. “Next time, lets try and coordinate better. After that stunt the Council is insisting that you be reinstated to active status. You said that you got a message about the attempts while at Liara's?”

Lila nodded slowly. “I'm guessing I got it because I'm still technically a Spectre, and Aethyta got a message from the Asari. I couldn't get a hold of you, so we went. I took backup!” she said when she saw Kaidan start to protest.

He smiled slightly. “I saw. Liara and Javik. Alright, Lila. I can't blame you for going in, particularly not when I was doing the same thing.”

“Lets just not have another temporary armed stand off, ever again,” Lila suggested. “Though I think this one ended a little bit better. What happened to the assassins?”

“Dead,” Kaidan replied grimly. “But Liara's managed to get a great deal of information from their omni-tools. Terrorist organization that seemed to blame the Council for the all the destruction after the Reaper War.”

Lila sighed. “These kind of conditions always breed extremists. I suppose universal peace is too much to hope for?”

“Well, we can try,” Kaidan replied. He squeezed her hand again. “I can't wait to get you home.”

“So go get the doctor and lets see about getting me discharged!”

~~

Hours later, after discharge, a Council briefing, and various friends trickling in to check on Lila, Kaidan and Lila were finally alone again. Kaidan held a beer in one hand, the other arm wrapped firmly around Lila's waist as she sipped on tea. 

They sat in quiet watching the fireplace. Lila sighed contently and turned her face to nuzzle Kaidan's neck. He shifted lightly, the light touch sending shivers through his body as his hand crept to her hi. “I missed this the most,” Kaidan said as he held her. “Just the quiet moments with you.”

“I think some part of me missed it too,” Lila said, turning her lips up to kiss his own as he leaned down. She set the tea aside and moved to straddle Kaidan's lap. “But I've been given a third chance to get this right. I'm never sending you away again, or letting you walk away like on Horizon.”

“I couldn't standing to lose you a third time,” Kaidan whispered as he kissed her. She deepened the kiss and shifted in his lap, rocking lightly against him. 

Lila whimpered softly as he nibbled her lower lip, and she saw the heat in his eyes as he ground against her, feeling him growing hard against her center. They had a lot of time to make up for, and the few weeks they'd been sleeping together again definitely weren't enough.

“Need you,” Kaidan groaned against her lips as she shifted, trying to get more friction between them.

“I need you too,” Lila replied. “Get me upstairs, get me naked, and I'm all yours.”

He grinned at her and picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. His hardened cock ground against her heated core at every step and it caused them both to moan, growing the need between them. When they reached the bedroom he lay her back on the bed and began removing her clothing one piece at a time. 

He trailed his hands teasingly up her thighs as he pulled her tactical pants off and she whimpered softly in need. Kaidan chuckled softly. “We have all night love, and I want to take my time.”

Lila eyed him and reached out, squeezing his cock through his pants. “I want you now, damnit...we can go slow afterwards.”

His breath hitched as she squeezed him again. Kaidan regarded her with molten brown eyes and shucked his pants boots and shirt, underwear following. He pulled hers off as she started stroking him again, his breath coming in a soft hiss of pleasure.

“You sure you're ready?” he asked as he lay over her, his throbbing cock positioned at her core.

“Yes, damnit, fuck me.”

Kaidan slid home with a single thrust, causing them both to moan as he was enveloped in her heat. She wrapped her legs around him again and bucked her hips against his, urging him to thrust. He stared down at her, brown eyes into blue and began to thrust. She hissed in pleasure, arching up to meet him.

Neither of them spoke, the moans and hisses of pleasure enough to know how the other felt, their gazes locked on one another. She shifted, her movements growing more frantic as the moments passed, and Kaidan knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer. 

Her breath hitched as she cried out his name, writhing beneath him in pleasure. “K-Kaidan!”

He thrust into her one final time with a moan. “Lillaaa.”

Finally he collasped on top of her and they relearned to breath slowly together.

“I love you so much, Kaidan,” Lila said as she wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you too, Lila, always,” Kaidan replied.


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, lots of Fluff.  
> So we've reached the end of this chapter of Lila Shepard and Kaidan Alenko's life together. Thank you for everyone who read the story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Remember Me  
> A Mass Effect Fan Fic  
> Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/FShep (Spacer/WarHero/Destroy Collector Base)  
> Post ME3/Destroy Choice/Some UnCanon (I like happier endings)/Amnesia  
> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect

Epilogue!  
~Two Months Later~

Lila sat in the medbay with Dr. Chakwas, eyes transfixed on the monitor in front of them.

“Hmm.” Dr. Chakwas regarded the test results on the screen. “I suppose you weren’t thinking about this possibility, were you Commander?”

Lila’s eyes went a little wide as she regarded the results. She rubbed a bit nervously at the back of her neck. “Er, no. I don’t think either of us were thinking about it at the time. I wasn’t taking anything on earth because I wasn’t seeing anyone, and after Kaidan and I were reunited, I sort of had other things on my mind.”

Chakwas tapped the screen lightly. “At some point this is going to keep you from field duty, but I think a lot of what the Normandy will be doing on this particular assignment is monitoring and reporting. You have about two to three months before I restrict you from ground assignments, but after that your co-captain is perfectly capable of handling strike teams.”

She walked to one of the cabinets and rummaged through it until she found the bottle she wanted and handled it to Lila. “You are to take one of those every day, Commander, and I will be doing monthly physicals to begin with. As things progress the physicals will be closer together. If you receive any injuries in the field I want to see you immediately after you get back to the ship to monitor your vitals and ensure everything is alright.” Chakwas gave her a knowing look. “I remember how you’ve been in the past about reporting here after field injuries.”

Lila held up her hands in surrender. “Understood Dr. Chakwas.”

Karin Chakwas smiled then, almost fondly at Lila. “Of course you’ll have to go on leave in about seven months, but there isn’t any reason that you can’t be on ship during that leave. I doubt that the Major will let you out of his sight for awhile.”

“He hasn’t wanted to do that anyway since we got back on board,” Lila replied.

They were only a day out from the Citadel on the Normandy’s latest assignment. The Alliance had been only too glad to restore command of the Normandy to Commander Shepard-Alenko, and they’d decided to continue Major Alenko’s assignment on the ship too, given the nature of the Normandy’s different assignments. The two human Spectres had worked well together during the Reaper War.

“If you need anything, let me know,” Dr. Chakwas said as she filed a report on her tablet. “I’ve sent you a copy of the images and test results from today. Now out of my medbay and go see that Major of yours.”

Lila knew a dismissal when she heard one. “Yes Ma’am,” she replied.

Lila moved out of the medbay and debated where Kaidan would be right now. He still spent a good deal of time in the Starboard Lounge this time of day.

So much had happened in just the past few months. She had stayed in contact with those she had known in Springfield, those people who had helped her when she didn’t know who she was and was just trying to figure out how to live again. Maybe some time in the future she would have to take Kaidan there, and let him meet the people who had saved her life after she’d been found unconscious in amidst Alliance wreckage. She would certainly never forget her time there.

Janie Doe had once stood, uncertain and unsure of her future beyond the day to day. Now Commander Lila Jane Shepard-Alenko stood in her place, as fully restored as she was ever going to get. 

If anything, the entire experience had taught her to never take anything for granted, particularly not her fond memories of times with family and friends. 

Now she had a chance to make new memories.

She paused at the door to the Lounge and steeled herself, not sure how Kaidan would react to her news. They’d discussed their future briefly during the war, and more over the past few months, but neither of them had planned for this quite so soon.

Lila shook her head. This was Kaidan. They would face every challenge together, just as they had over the past few months.

Kaidan glanced up from a report as she entered the Starboard Lounge and he smiled at her, though she saw the brief crinkle in his forehead of faint worry. “Hey, how are you? I know you weren’t feeling well this morning. Stomach bug?”

“I’m fine now, Kaidan,” she promised as sat on the couch beside him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and she sighed contently. “I just got done seeing Chakwas.”

“What did she say?” he asked curiously.

In answer, Lila pulled up her omni-tool and the files that Dr. Chakwas had sent her.

Kaidan’s eyes widened as he looked at the image.

_Ultrasound. Baby Alenko. 8 Weeks._

“Is that what I think it is?” he asked in a strained voice.

“Er, yeah,” Lila said, feeling nervous all over again. “You and I didn’t exactly use any kind of birth control after we were reunited. I don’t think either of us thought anything about it.”

“No, I don’t think we did…” Kaidan’s looked down at her, the surprise on his face giving way to a joyful smile that made her heart beat a little faster.  
“Baby Alenko, hmm? Boy or girl, can we even tell at this age?” he asked.

She smiled, relieved. “Not for several more weeks, Major,” she replied. “You’re happy then?”

“Ecstatic,” he replied, pulling her against his side so he could hold her closer. “We’ll have to make some adjustments to the Captain’s cabin, and you,” he eyed her, “Will have to make some adjustments to your duties.”

“Chakwas has already told me she’ll pull me off of ground duty within the next two to three months,” Lila replied. “Don’t worry, Kaidan, I’ll be careful.”

“You’d better,” he replied, brushing his lips against hers. “I don’t want to lose either of you, ever.” He smiled. “Thank you, Lila. I can’t imagine having a kid with anyone but you.”

“Neither can I,” Lila replied, lost in his deep brown eyes. “We’ll have to tell the crew eventually. And he or she will have a playmate. Liara and Javil are expecting.”

“At least we aren’t the only ones,” Kaidan smiled. “Whatever happens, I know we’ll handle it. Together.”

“Together,” Lila agreed.


End file.
